Marriage, Parenting, Trauma....do they relate?

This foster care journey has been somewhat easy for me to adjust to. I love kids. I love to see how they grow and change. I think my calling is to be a mom....well, and a grandma too. I love my space, and quiet time. But when I look at getting a job, I think about all that I would miss out on. If I am honest, I want more bedrooms so we can foster some more children.  

My husband on the other hand....he likes older children. He doesn't like things that get complicated. He has even hinted that it is hard to share my attention. 

So, two different scenarios= a not so peachy household at times. 

Fostering and adopting are not easy callings. Without God on our side I don't think we would make it. It has been a hard two years....But I look back at where the kids were and see that love, consistency, and nurture have gone a long way. We went from not sleeping much, bad temper tantrums, food challenges, to sleeping mostly every night all night long, temper tantrums much less and food...well waiting on those to get better! Yes, we did join the locked cabinet club! I swore I would never do it. But it became necessary. 

How do marriages survive when two people see things so much differently? Because I see the good changes, I often don't tell my husband some of the bad stuff. If it won't mater either way, I take care of the situation. When I tell him bad thing after bad thing it weighs on him. So I try to tell him the good things I see. The positives. And sprinkle in a few of the challenges. He is then able to let go of the bad and see the good in each child. 

I also need to make sure I give my husband lots of his love language, which is touch....I am opposite of this...I like surprises of "I did this for you". 

We also are trying to get out together...and I need to catch myself and not talk about the kids while we are out. 

So, if your marriages is struggling in some areas since this journey began for you....figure out what are some things that you can do to improve it. Satan would love nothing more than to help break up your marriage....Adoption is at the very heart of God. He commands us to care for orphans. It isn't an option. Something that has God written all over it, Satan uses it to put separation between you and your spouse....Don't let Satan win!

Parenting Trauma

Parenting is hard. Very Hard....Parenting children that have been through trauma is even harder. Just this morning, the foster child that usually is oblivious to many things going on around him was struggling.

I ran across a post of FaceBook that said this: "When children are regressing, increase nurture. Usually that fighting or distancing is caused by fear. Parents can hep the agitated child to slow down, accept comfort, talk about feelings, or improve his physical state. Gradually, children learn to seek out parents when they are hurting."  Deborah Gray Attaching in Adoption

This child is our most "difficult" child. He will throw fits, cry loudly, is developmentally delayed. He asks question after question, even when he knows the answer. He takes a lot of our time. With something bothering, it just isn't like him. He was in tears because my husband was bringing him down to the bus instead of me. He didn't want to go to school.  He does prefer to stay home. So this wasn't out of character. But he was more vocal about it today.

I am unsure if I will ever come across the big stuff that is bothering him. But I do know that I need to increase nurture to him. He does love touch. I think that is his love language. Which is low on my radar. So it is hard for me to actually do that.

When children are the most unlovable, they need the most love. 

I challenge you to find out your child's love language. Is it touch? Gifts? Quality time? Find out what it is and try to use it daily.  When they are doing good and when they are struggling. 

Book: The Five Love Languages

Where Does the Time Go?

It has been a long time since I last wrote. Time sure does go by and there are so many things in between. 

To update on Shadrack, we still think of him daily. There are songs that we hear daily that trigger memories of him. He loved music, namely Toby Mac, and hearing Toby Mac music really gets us yearning to just go grab Shadrack. Not sure why it needs to be so difficult. 

Currently, Shadrack is still waiting for his forever family. If we had another 20k at our disposal we could get him in a just a few short months. Unfortunately we just don't have access to this kind of money. 

One soft spot that we have is three other beautiful children in our midst. We started out fostering three kiddos over 2 years ago, and through a chain of events, these children couldn't go back home to mom, so on January 11th, we will adopt them. It will all be final. 

As I sit here, reflecting on a new year, there are hurts that won't go away...Shadrack, and there are joys that I can't help but smile about. 

So moving forward on my blog, I want to start offering encouragement to others in the journey of adoptions that don't go as planned, marriage through fostering/adopting, practice tips and tools to use. 

Please check back and learn and grow with me!

Bible Dominoes

I have spent nearly all my life and the only sort of dominoes that I would play were placing them on their ends and lining them in long lines and watching each one hit the next one...until they were all down. As I got older I would make more complex lines that would split into two lines...and then if you got half way done and knocked one the wrong way, your line would start a bit early. Well, recently some friends introduced us to the world of adult dominoes. Mexican train. We played until nearly midnight...I didn't fair so well in this game. But it was fun. I found a set for our family at a garage sale. We have enjoyed hours of fun with this game of Dominoes.

When I had the opportunity to get my hands on Bible Dominoes I was intrigued to see what this was about. I have a grand daughter who is nearly 3 so I thought we could have fun. She isn't exposed to a faith based home that often, so anything that would help her catch some of this, I was all in for. This game is for 2-4 players and for ages 3+. The cards are made from sturdy cardboard, so no stacking them and watching them all fall! There is a little book that tells some of the more popular Bible stories.

To play you match the colors which shows the number and on the other one it shows how many that number is. For instance 2= (two) people. So it is covering a few different concepts for your young  learners. My granddaughter was a little young to catch this concept yet, but we could talk about what each picture was, and practice colors.

All in all they are good quality and a great way to start conversations with your youngsters! Total thumbs up!

I am not paid for my review, and have given an honest review of Bible Dominoes!

Mercy's Rain

Mercy's Rain is a book that hooked me from the minute I started it. Usually I need to be in a mood to read a historical book. This one is set in the late 1800's in Tennessee. 

Mercy is the daughter of a Pastor. This Pastor simply gets away with TO MUCH! My heart goes out to this girl. Mercy endured alot in her short little life. She finally gets a chance to leave the only home she knows. Once she is able to leave, she is faced with many "ghosts in her closet". She relives the horrible things that happened to her, by a person she should trust, he father and a pastor. Mercy travels through the mountains and relives her past to finally put the past where is belongs....in the past.

I liked this book because we all have been through so much. In my life or family members close to me we have been through:

• enduring suicide
• depression
• sexual abuse
• sexual assault
• diseases
• cancer
• alcoholism
• teen pregnancies
• adoption waiting
• accusations of trafficking

When looking at this list I think back to overcoming most of these, and the process that it takes. It is hard. Life throws you so many things that can leave you feeling bitter. But God's Mercy rains and washes over you...freely. Yours for the taking. Right now!

I received this book from Kregel Productions to review. I am not paid for my review. 

A New Study Bible

How can you review the Bible and post a bad review? I love to read new versions of the Bible and actually have a Bible that has three translations side by side. I love to read each version to see if I can pull something else from the verses. I have never owned a study Bible, so I snatched the opportunity to see what this Bible is about. Obviously I have not read this cover to cover...but I have enjoyed digging into some of my favorite verses. This Bible is written in the NKJV. This isn't usually one of my go to versions, so it was fun to look through and see some of my favorites.
What I really like about this Bible is how it highlights what God's word says about evangelism. It takes verses and expands on them to help you see how you can simply carry out sharing your faith. Not everyone has the gift of evangelism, but reading these little insights help you to share your faith in everyday living.
There are also passages that are listed to cross reference, so you can study more in depth. This helps the Bible come alive and will help you have a better understanding of what you are reading.
God's word never gets old. Grab a new Bible and see what else He can teach you!

I was not paid for my review. I got a copy of this Bible for free and posted my review in all honesty!
Enjoy!

Motherless

Motherless by Erin Healy  I just finished this book. I have to say it was very hard to get in to this book. But I persevered through it.

I read this book over a period of about one month. The book is mainly written through the eyes of a dad who is dead. It was hard to follow and I thought that character development would have been deeper if the book followed the living characters better. It was hard to follow sometimes. 

That said....I enjoyed the struggles that each character was experiencing. Some from things that happened when they were little, some from life journey. Families are unique and we all experience things that we are less than proud of. And when you do pass on, someone may eventually find out your secrets.  I am a firm believer that secrets kill you...they do more harm than good. Yet, I find it difficult to share things that I am less than proud of. :)  All in all, I did like Motherless. I would have liked to get inside the characters a little more. I  would like them to have better development. I like to feel characters, and sympathize with them. This book was thought provoking in life in general. Lots of food for thought. 

I would love to hear what you have to say about it! Let me know!

I have gotten this book for free from Thomas Nelson Publishers to review in my own words. I have not been paid to provide my review.