Marriage, Parenting, Trauma....do they relate?

This foster care journey has been somewhat easy for me to adjust to. I love kids. I love to see how they grow and change. I think my calling is to be a mom....well, and a grandma too. I love my space, and quiet time. But when I look at getting a job, I think about all that I would miss out on. If I am honest, I want more bedrooms so we can foster some more children.  

My husband on the other hand....he likes older children. He doesn't like things that get complicated. He has even hinted that it is hard to share my attention. 

So, two different scenarios= a not so peachy household at times. 

Fostering and adopting are not easy callings. Without God on our side I don't think we would make it. It has been a hard two years....But I look back at where the kids were and see that love, consistency, and nurture have gone a long way. We went from not sleeping much, bad temper tantrums, food challenges, to sleeping mostly every night all night long, temper tantrums much less and food...well waiting on those to get better! Yes, we did join the locked cabinet club! I swore I would never do it. But it became necessary. 

How do marriages survive when two people see things so much differently? Because I see the good changes, I often don't tell my husband some of the bad stuff. If it won't mater either way, I take care of the situation. When I tell him bad thing after bad thing it weighs on him. So I try to tell him the good things I see. The positives. And sprinkle in a few of the challenges. He is then able to let go of the bad and see the good in each child. 

I also need to make sure I give my husband lots of his love language, which is touch....I am opposite of this...I like surprises of "I did this for you". 

We also are trying to get out together...and I need to catch myself and not talk about the kids while we are out. 

So, if your marriages is struggling in some areas since this journey began for you....figure out what are some things that you can do to improve it. Satan would love nothing more than to help break up your marriage....Adoption is at the very heart of God. He commands us to care for orphans. It isn't an option. Something that has God written all over it, Satan uses it to put separation between you and your spouse....Don't let Satan win!

Parenting Trauma

Parenting is hard. Very Hard....Parenting children that have been through trauma is even harder. Just this morning, the foster child that usually is oblivious to many things going on around him was struggling.

I ran across a post of FaceBook that said this: "When children are regressing, increase nurture. Usually that fighting or distancing is caused by fear. Parents can hep the agitated child to slow down, accept comfort, talk about feelings, or improve his physical state. Gradually, children learn to seek out parents when they are hurting."  Deborah Gray Attaching in Adoption

This child is our most "difficult" child. He will throw fits, cry loudly, is developmentally delayed. He asks question after question, even when he knows the answer. He takes a lot of our time. With something bothering, it just isn't like him. He was in tears because my husband was bringing him down to the bus instead of me. He didn't want to go to school.  He does prefer to stay home. So this wasn't out of character. But he was more vocal about it today.

I am unsure if I will ever come across the big stuff that is bothering him. But I do know that I need to increase nurture to him. He does love touch. I think that is his love language. Which is low on my radar. So it is hard for me to actually do that.

When children are the most unlovable, they need the most love. 

I challenge you to find out your child's love language. Is it touch? Gifts? Quality time? Find out what it is and try to use it daily.  When they are doing good and when they are struggling. 

Book: The Five Love Languages

Where Does the Time Go?

It has been a long time since I last wrote. Time sure does go by and there are so many things in between. 

To update on Shadrack, we still think of him daily. There are songs that we hear daily that trigger memories of him. He loved music, namely Toby Mac, and hearing Toby Mac music really gets us yearning to just go grab Shadrack. Not sure why it needs to be so difficult. 

Currently, Shadrack is still waiting for his forever family. If we had another 20k at our disposal we could get him in a just a few short months. Unfortunately we just don't have access to this kind of money. 

One soft spot that we have is three other beautiful children in our midst. We started out fostering three kiddos over 2 years ago, and through a chain of events, these children couldn't go back home to mom, so on January 11th, we will adopt them. It will all be final. 

As I sit here, reflecting on a new year, there are hurts that won't go away...Shadrack, and there are joys that I can't help but smile about. 

So moving forward on my blog, I want to start offering encouragement to others in the journey of adoptions that don't go as planned, marriage through fostering/adopting, practice tips and tools to use. 

Please check back and learn and grow with me!

Life

Life is crazy...throws you so many curve balls.

It seems that every time things are going smoothly...wham! The valley hits deep and low.

I am unsure if I can handle anymore corrupt countries. Anymore corrupt people that are helping children in the name of caring deeply for children. Because the best for children is more about money in their pockets. Crazy...but true!

Tell me your adoption story......

FAQ: but no one is asking!

We have encountered many questions from people...but the questions or for lack of a better word accusations are not asked to us...So we will address them head on! But please, ask us. We would rather give you accurate information, than for you to talk behind our backs.

Adoption is an important call. A call we are all called to do. But NOT EVERYONE IS CALLED TO ADOPT! We are all called to help.

Question one:
Why are they going all the way to Liberia when there are orphans here.
Answer:
We have been pursuing adoption from foster care for several years. We see the huge importance. And there are MANY orphans in our back yard....currently around 400 of them just in MN. If everyone of you that reads this would adopt from foster care in MN, they would all be cared for. What are YOU going to do about that?  We came across Shadrack last April. I tried to find him a home from Minnesota down to Texas. I told Wayne one night..."I've tried to find this blind little guy a home, or someone to help him medically, and I cannot find anyone." His answer, Why are we not doing something? Exactly. So when you ask us why we are not doing something here in Minnesota...I respectfully ask you...Why aren't you? Until I laid eyes on Shadrack, I wasn't quite sure we were doing the right thing. The Sunday before we left, I had all I could do to hold it together at church. I ran into a friend who excited asked me if I was ready to go and how exciting...and I broke down and couldn't even put it into words the emotions I was feeling....I have dreamed of adopting for years...and my dream was coming true...but i was headed to a country that I knew very little about....I was leaving behind my children. And we were NOT LOOKING TO BRING A ONE YEAR OLD INTO OUR HOME! But, things worked out, and God willing we will bring Shadrack here in the next couple of weeks!

Question 2:
They can't afford to adopt/care for another child....
Answer:
God has provided thus far. Through Waynes retirement, through generous family and friends. Through some fundraisers. Everything has worked out. Frankly, we can't afford not to bring Shadrack or possibly other children into our homes. Plus our finances are really none of your business! With all due respect!
Currently the fundraiser last weekend has given us plane tickets and room while we are there...if we can get tickets cheap enough that is! We are confident that it will all work out....

Question 3:
We now have grandchildren, we won't have time for them with a one year old....

Answer:
Shadrack will require care and attention. But he also loves to sit and listen to music. He is really a very easy baby. I stayed home with 5 children, and Wayne worked his butt off with a full time job...I think I can handle 2 one year olds and a 4 year old. And I look forward to it. We obviously love kids...No brainer!

Question 4:
The fundraiser last weekend was a publicity pull for Hope Blooms...

Answer:
All I can say is WOW! Us caring for Shadrack has nothing to do with Hope Blooms. But we are doing what Hope Blooms stands for. We are caring for the worlds orphans...plus some.... We have never profited from Hope Blooms. All donations go back into helping the families that we service...those caring for orphans...Donations last weekend, which is another question we have been asked...behind our back, are going to bring Shadrack to the US for essential medical care. And any funds beyond that will go for medical care while he is here. Simple as that! Weather we  get him here in a couple of weeks, or weather we get him here in a couple of months. If you don't feel like you want to help a boy our with medical care...then don't. Simple as that. We are thankful for those that have helped. And we are excited to share him with those that care.

Watch that video...if it doesn't get to you...Then you should come to Liberia with us...see what we saw. Learn what we learned. Orphans are mentioned frequently in the Bible...and it is very clear we are all called to help in some way.

Hope Blooms will soon become licensed to facilitate adoptions through Liberia. That is how passionate we are about this. Wayne is ready to head back to Liberia on trips to check on an orphanage that we partner with...We are living out a call...what will YOU DO?

Family

 

 

Family:

 

Families come in all shapes and sizes. All different colors, different homes, different beliefs. But, families fight together, and stay together...or they should!

 

Yesterday we had an amazing day of family sharing and showing support! At the risk of forgetting someone....I am going to tell you some amazing family moments!

 

The above song struck Wayne and I as Shadrack was jamming to TobyMac in Africa. We are fighting to get Shadrack here for essential medical care. He is from a different family...and we are waiting to bring him into our home...our family.

 

It amazes me when people come and show support to something that is huge for me. Shadrack and many other orphans are important to me. Something I am called to do. And so many people came to show support.

 

Fire fighters: Kari, Chad K, Chad N, Nikki W. Matt L Janelle N. They came early, stayed until the end. They worked their butts off and didn't blink an eye over any task. They willingly came and helped us fight a good fight. And some other Firefighters came and ate, and shared their support!

 

Karen...she came early and did many back massages....all for Shadrack!

 

Janelle Lloyd and family...they made, bought, gave and helped! They brought so MANY Auction items! I couldn't even begin to count the amount they donated! Plus many encouraging words.

 

Karen N. She celebrated her birthday with us...we didn't know her beforehand. But she came and encouraged many others to come. She donated an acupuncture certificate! Was great to chat with her for a bit!

 

Julie F. She came with bake goods in hand, lots of encouragement. Worked the bake sale like a trooper. Plus her and Lee have supported and cheered on Shadrack above and beyond!

 

Shannon L and her friends at Becker Baptist Church...they donated over 60 items to our bake sale that raised over $500! We don't know them and they don't know us...but all for Shadrack!

 

Barb, our loyal board member. Came and worked, chatted, supported and is always available when we have a need.

 

Our children, they showed up at 9am. Took turns caring for Laila, helped with whatever we needed help with. They may think we are crazing bringing a one year old home! But they are all eager to love on him too~

 

Our families~ Ida, Milo, Gary Diane, Juanita Kaylee, Bob, Connie Grandma and Grandpa F....what you all did hasn't gone un noticed! You guys came and helped with so many things....brought goodies, auction items. You blessed us by blessing Shadrack.

 

So many more of you stayed and ate, purchased auction items, heard us talk Liberia. We appreciate each of you more than you will ever know. WE thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

 

We don't have anymore updates on Shadrack...we hope to by the end of the week. But you will all be the first to know! We are getting excited to bring him here and for ALL OF YOU TO MEET HIM!

 

Wayne and Shannon

An Update

Well, our paperwork should be in the hands of Immigration as I type. We are simply waiting on the receipt number to then give to Amy Klobuchar's office to expedite our paperwork. We are literally at the hands of the person at immigration that is reviewing our paperwork. So we wait with trust that things will work out. We simply would like to get Shadrack here for medical care that we have all set up for him. It is torture waiting. We are ready to get him here to get him walking, eating, talking and learning to care for himself should he continue to be blind.

We really worked to work with on bonding with him while we spent two weeks with him. We knew he needed to trust us. Well, I got an email from someone in Liberia. Apparently he didn't think to highly of us leaving him in Liberia. He wouldn't eat and the words from our friend...."it was a nightmare". Broke my heart to hear this! I could have done well to not hear this! Yikes!

I cannot say how appreciative that we are for everyone so willing to help with a fundraiser to bring Shadrack to the US! We used up Wayne's 401k to go our first trip. So this will help cover the added expenses, plus the medial bills beyond  the insurance coverings.
The Fundraiser will be held at Jack and Jim's in Duelm MN! Big 'ol Duelm.  12-5.  Our families and Clear Lake Fire Fighters are helping to pull this off!  

I will update again once we have the recipet. For now, just pray over the person getting all of our paperwork. We truly need to get shadrack here for medical care. Most of what he needs, should have been done shortly after birth! And to find out if he will eer be able to see at all!

We are home....

This two week journey just simply seems so surreal. There are so many layers in all of this. But most importantly, we had to leave Shadrack in Liberia....after much bonding with him. The bottom line, in all of this, he is the one who suffers...we are devastated beyond belief, but he truly is the one suffering here....

So back to Tuesday the 2nd of July.
We were once again denied a Visa for Shadrack. So we knew at that moment...probably 3 pm that we were going to need to leave Shadrack at the orphanage when we left on Wednesday...That evening, Wayne, Nate and I decided to walk the half mile down to the Golden Key Hotel/Restaurant to have dinner...none of us felt like cooking that night....

A moment that I am hanging onto happened at the restaurant. We were at a round table and Nate was on my right, Wayne was on my left. I had Shadrack standing on my lap facing me. I was conversing with the guys.. I looked at Shadrack and started talking to him. He KNEW INSTANTLY when I started talking to him. He got a big smile on his face....and he reached up to gently touch my cheek. ONE precious moment that still brings tears to my eyes.

So, leaving him in Liberia was a hard step we had to face. Getting on the plane I just simply wanted to scream, cry, yell at anyone who cared to listen....We were both devastated and I had to hold it together for the sake of the 200 others on our plane.

Back Stateside, Christina's family and friends started a campaign with some local Politicians. Currently we have Klobachars office helping to expedite a few things for us....for this we are truly grateful!
So bottom line, and the true facts....

1. We shouldn't have applied for the Visa that we applied for. The Embassy simply isn't issuing those at this time. From what few things we have been able to figure out, there has been corrupt things happening with these Visa's and they will not issue them. Plus it would have been nearly impossible 6 months down the road to fully adopt him. The Embassy in reality did us some favors by NOT issuing this type of Visa.

2. We shouldn't have gone the guardianship route. It is messy, and now Shadrack is affected by that. With the Guardianship route, we obtain legal guardianship over him. Which we have. We obtain the Visa, get him medical care and assess the situation after medical care. If he were to remain blind, we would adopt him. If he has a chance to see again, we help him with that, and bring him back to his mom. Which is the best place for him. But given his current situation, he would be sacrificed if he were to stay with his mom in their tribe.

3. We believe Acres of Hope did what they think is best for the boys, but we are unsure if they actually knew how to navigate these waters. Currently they boys are at the AOH orphanage.  The nannies love them. It is clean. The children get fed. That is comforting to us in this moment. If it wasn't so costly, we can fly over there anytime and take the boys out of the orphanage as much as we want. We are their guardians.

4. We are working towards full adoption. Klobachar's office will be working to help us expedite both the home study...possibly 2 weeks. And the I600a with Immigration...possibly another 2 weeks. In reality, if things go well, we could have the boys in a month. But we are expecting longer...that way we are won't have our hopes set on it being 4 weeks. After the homestudy, AOH has about a weeks worth of stuff to finish up, which can be during the timing of the I600. Our prayers are that things can go off without a hitch. And fast!!!

5. Going the adoption route means traveling to Liberia again...We are torn about this. We loved being there. We just were simply not crazy about all the road blocks we had while there. It was a very frustrating process of hurry up and wait. Currently we are looking at
About
$2400 for home study.
$2100 for flight...not sure if one or both of us need to go
$1000 for lodging and food while there.

So it isn't going to be cheap...and our first concern is getting the home study complete. We are completely bummed that we put money into the flight at this point only to not have brought him home. But we wouldn't trade the time spent with Shadrack for the world. We believe God will bless this, we feel like we are his parents and we will get him home!

6. We started Hope Blooms almost five years ago. Through that, we have taken many courses. But we narrowed it down to providing support services to families that have adopted. That is where our passions lie. We also provide fun things for kids to do a few times a year...This journey has awakened in me a passion to check into helping other families adopt in Liberia....helping the process go smoothly. We will be looking into getting Hague certified. And partnering possibly with an organization from Africa. We have started the talk...but need to meet with them first. So we will still provide support services, but also be the American side of adopting from Liberia. Adoptions could open up in the next month...instead of just special needs adoptions. We are excited to start this part also. There are some pretty amazing kids, and Liberians thanked us many times for taking Shadrack to America to help him. They know their health care stinks.

In the guest house we stayed in, there was a house boy who stayed in a small house out back. His name is Chris. When we got back to America, he had sent Wayne a text asking if we made it back ok. And asking if we were ok. He saw how upset we were. That is what Liberia is....caring for others...we got asked for money plenty of times. But they are a friendly bunch. Had no trouble stopping what they were doing and staring at the white people carrying the black babies. We tried to fit in, but the strollers and front carrying packs simply do not fit in.

Liberia is listed as an unsafe country to visit. We never once felt that we were unsafe. In fact, a couple times we left the Golden Key restaurant a little later than planned and were walking in the dark. We felt totally safe...had lots of people praying for us in Liberia and home in America. We learned alot of history about Liberia to share with the boys some day. We cannot wait to do that! But more importantly we cannot wait to bring Shadrack home. James and Shadrack have both been in the same orphanage...for how long we don't know...

I have been dreading writing this post...I simply did not want to be on this side of the journey posting that we do not have Shadrack home with us. But the story will continue....and we hope to have him home in 4-6 weeks....

Shannon

WE ARE HERE! and on internet

Patience June19th, 2013
After our sermon at church on Sunday using Galatians 5:22-23, we have decided to journal the fruits of the spirit while away. I am wondering if we will be tempted to use Patience more than once!
We are nearing the end of the longest of our plane rides. We are 35 minutes from landing in Accra Ghana. We then have a short layover and cannot exit the plane. Then on to Liberia!
Sleeping was quite hard, and a 10 hour flight is LONG! But we expected to be tired and are ready to be off the plane. We have even tried to imagine how the flight home will go with a 1 year old!
We upgraded to economy comfort, and for this long of a journey, I suggest it to everyone. I cannot imagine traveling this long without it!
We are anxious to find out if we will see Shadrach today or tomorrow. I am a little hesitant to grab him from the orphanage and say….”ok let’s go to bed!” So part of me would be content to wait until tomorrow and get to know him throughout the day and then work on putting him to bed! A day full of “yes” to start gaining his trust.
Please pray for our children at home. They are all in good hands. But it is hard being so far away from them!
Shannon
We are at our guest house, after about a 45 minute journey in the car. IT is clean, and has 24 hour power, running filtered water. Jessica Neal….we are spoiled!
We have already run into a bump in the road. Apparently we were to make the embassy appt. Even after we heard last week that Acres of Hope was making the appt. So we are feeling anxious about this. It was to be done online, and we do not have internet here. So tomorrow Rebecca is to be taking us to the Embassy AFTER we go see Shadrach. So pray for this to happen by Monday or Tuesday. Our plane leaves on Wednesday at 6:25 pm.
On the plane, a former Professional Soccer player from Liberia was sitting in front of us. He was coming back to Liberia to play the Peace games on Sunday. Was fun to chat with him. He has lived in many countries since he left about the time the war started.
I was planning to try to keep on MN time…but here it is 8pm Liberia time, (five hours ahead of MN) and I am ready for bed.
We are missing our kids. We have been able to text a bit, but we are unsure of that cost. So we are trying to keep it at a minimum!
PEACE June 20th ,2013
I think we both slept pretty well. We are in a double bed, but it didn’t seem to matter last night.
The rain started full force during the night, on a tin roof, and has not stopped since then. Coming down in sheets. We did get to go on the beach last night. We walked a bit until we saw little crab’s walking all over. That was enough to get me in!
We heard from the Neal’s that there are dogs running all over. There was one laying in the yard last night. Wayne thought it might be dead. But when we got back from the beach (which is right across from our guest house) the dog had left.
This morning Wayne was out trying to get some video, despite the rain. And he saw a BIG lizard. A huge gecko looking thing.
On our way from the airport, there were little villages. People mulling all over. The streets are filled with adults and children walking all over. When our car past a motorcycle Rebecca would honk to let them know she was passing.
We are leaving to meet Shadrach in about an hour. We are unsure yet if we take him from that time on or not. So many unknowns right now. Plus we are wondering about being able to get on the internet and post things, and let Nate, who leaves on Sat. know what to expect. We are anxious for him to get here too.
Shannon
June 19th….still
We saw Shadrach for the first time about 10:30 this morning…or at the crack of dawn for all you Minnesotans. We walked into the sleeping room of about 10 children, and they ALL started to cry…the white people came! But Shadrach didn’t cry! LOL. I picked him up and he seemed tired, out of it. When we left he slept for about 3 hours. He slept through traffic the US Embassy visit, and much noise. YAY a heavy sleeper in our busy household. When he woke up, Wayne fed him his bottle and he has been a happy, goofy, silly boy ever since. He chats, laughs, smiles and is simply a happy boy. He actually does love his stroller, loves to snuggle, and loves to play with his feet. He is sitting up by himself, although with a little bit of a bottle butt. It won’t take him long to get up on his knees. Which will be interesting having a mobile blind boy. Wayne has affectionately named him our chocolate chunk..he has the BIGGEST CHUNK ever! Jessica sure had that right on!
We need lots of prayers going out for our US Embassy Consular visit. We just learned last night that we needed to request an appt. last week online. So pray that they get our email and we can have that visit take place, to get his medical Visa, so we can leave Wednesday. We let Nate know to get his made. So hopefully things will go smoothly for him. (he is bringing home James who needs an esophagus transplant) Nate arrives Sunday night.
So our lives are full of listening to baby giggle fun right now.
A couple other fun things, we had some boys come and sell us stuff at our Guest house. Which was fun…I probably over paid a bit. But still cheap by American Standards. We talked them down some. But so many things have meaning….We will try to post pictures. But it is something to see. Items made out of mahogany.
Last night I believe I journaled about the crabs that came out on the beach….well during the day, there are little tiny crabs that are out during the day. They match the sand, and you can hardly see them…yuck!!!
So I am leary about the beach. There are VERY hi waves, and people still swim a lot. Which amazes me. Cannot believe how dangerous it might be.
JOY/ amidst some heart ache…. June 21, 2013
I learned a couple of things this morning.
First, when we were at the orphanage to pick up Shadrach, his sweet mama was there. Wayne said we were introduced to her, but with the thick Liberian accent, I didn’t catch that it was his mama. I feel horrible. I did get a picture of her, but it is on my camera and I didn’t bring the computer cord!
Second, we are staying at Trinity guest house. Part of Samaritans purse and SIM International. This was no accident. A Divine intervention….amazing. I would love to tell this story in person, but I cannot wait to share!
Queen is the guest house cleaner. She is the adopted daughter of the Arizona couple who run the ELWA compound….where we are staying. Queen comes every morning to clean, chat and clean some more….Today she told me that she knows Shadrachs aunt and has met his mama! I said….” Please tell me the story!” So here goes…..
Shadrachs mama came down from Nimba when he was 5-6 months old. Her village said he was cursed and they didn’t want him around. So she made the trek down to Monrovia to her brother and sister inlaw’s house. From there they got hooked up with Acres of Hope. If his mama were to bring him back to Nimba, the village people would throw him out and be left to die.
When we were a couple of weeks into the process to adopt Shadrach, we had to write a letter to his mama to let her know we were not going to harm him. That we wanted to love him and care for him. To call him our own. At the same time, here in Liberia, Queen was talking to the aunt. The aunt asked, Queen, should we let him go, or should I raise him. Queen told her “ Let God take care of Shadrach. You cannot help him like some in America can. He has a future there.” She was worried about him being trafficked and that he would be taken advantage of. Queen cannot wait to tell the family that he will be at a good home..with so many people excited for him to get home.
His mama or aunt would come every day to visit him and play with him in the orphanage. She loves him….and she is letting me take him home…to another country, to another part of world….that is so different from her own. My Joy…her sorrow.
Can you believe how God has worked this out for us to care for Shadrach. We knew we were in for some surprises, but I never imagined something as awesome as this. Queen told me the story and kept saying “God works in mysterious ways”
We are currently waiting for Amos to come. He is the social worker. He is now an hour late. Smile….Liberian time. He is suppose to take Shadrach to the doctor. I am not sure what is the ok time frame to wait, or simply go down to the Golden Key so we can get on the internet…..I am anxious to post updates, and get in touch with Christina and Jessica.
To close…..When I heard we were staying at Trinity guest house, I thought….that sounds about perfect. Little did I know, God has us right where he wanted us!
Shannon (Wayne has lots of updates to. I will try to get him to post

Devotion for Adoptive/foster parents

Romans 5:5 And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts. He gave us His love through the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to us.

Have you ever poured out love, compassion and much energy into someone, only to have them disregard what you are doing for them? Many years ago, I poured energy into a friendship. I loved hanging with my friend. She had good morals and she was fun to hang out with. We would often get together a few times a week. Our young children at that time would play. We would even talk often on the phone. One day while at a Bible Study together we were all answering a question on having that Best friends. There were varied answers: yes I have a good, best friend, I have several friends that I do different things with; to I am new in this area. My “best friend” said, "I have a friend who I love to hang out with. Not a day goes by that I don’t hang out with or talk to her on the phone".....sounds great huh? Well, she wasn’t referring to me.  The disappointment I felt was crushing my spirit. I didn’t even know this new “best friend” and I had shared my heart and soul with someone who I thought had mutual feelings towards me.

I have learned a lot since that time. I have sat back, developed a satisfying relationship with my husband. Raised my children to adulthood and teens years. Started a non profit. Along the way a good friend has fallen into my lap…something I wouldn’t have orchestrated on my own. But when my children were younger, my husband was working to support us, and I was lonely. I have done some growing up over the years. I am not the same person I was in many ways.

I think of the lonely children in foster care. These children get picked on at school. Teachers don’t even know what to do with “them”. These children are living with parents who are telling them their very existence doesn’t matter.  Who will tell them the truth? Their very life matters, and what would it mean to them to hear that….? More than telling we need to show them they matter. God cares even more than we do. He has given us tools to love beyond anything we could ever ask or imagine. Because His Holy Spirit is at work inside us, we can show these children what love feels like.

Showing love to a child who has never felt it will not be easy. In fact, they are quite used to feeling unloved, ashamed and worthless.  Giving them a time out is actually comforting to them. Step by step, they will try to push you away. When all they are screaming on the inside for is more. More love, more acceptance, more compassion, more nuture and more of a healthy attachment. They are wondering what they could possibly do to make you stop loving them. What they want to know from you is…nothing will ever separate them from your love. You have the tools. There are resources available. Love them and see them with Jesus eyes. Replenish the knowledge in your hearts that God loves you. So you can show that to the children whom God has entrusted into your care. It won’t always be easy. But they are worth every second you have chosen to invest in them.

Faith that Bleeds

I have just finished reading two incredible books by Tom Davis. He has written several books, but the two I just finished reading are "PriceLess" and "RedLetters". Both are about the plight of many orphans globally. Priceless haunted me while reading it, and is still haunting me. It is a fiction novel, however it is based on actual events from the Sex Trafficking trade based in Russia. Red Letters takes the Red letters that you find in some Bibles....Jesus' words and puts them in perspective on how you are to carry out your faith. Calling yourself a mere Christian just isn't good enough. How can you call yourself a Christian and not carry out what Jesus did as an example to us? While Red Letters is a Non Fiction book, it can go hand in hand with Priceless.
In our Country, the US, we are a spoiled bunch. Even when I am wanting more, or just simply waiting for payday to arrive so I can get groceries, I am blessed beyond measure. I have more than most have in Africa. My children have more than orphans in Russia.
While there is Sex Trafficking in my own back yard, I like to think our law enforcement and government (in general) will do something to stop it if they can. In many other countries, the government and law enforcement turn a blind eye. This is so sad. These girls have absolutely nothing they can do to get out of it. If it were not for Christian organizations going over to these countries...putting their very lives in danger, girls would not be saved.
Through reading these two books, God took a hold of my heart. I have not been able to look back. I have to do something....
helpful links:
www.hopechest.org
http://www.sheispriceless.com/
There are so many more to choose from....do a search and it will give you more information~!

And the process begins

OK, so yesturday our process to adopt began. We went to Downey Side in Sauk Rapids to start our adoptiong process. This seems so sureal. We got tons of good information. Nicole, our case manager is calling about the girl we are hoping to bring into our home. Wayne has had the honor of meeting her...but as we found out, workers are not the best at updating the www.mnadopt.org site...so she may be placed in a permanent home by now. Her siblings have been put into a permanent home. But if that would fall through, we are open to having all three children here. I just hate to see siblings split up...but this also opens doors that makes me want to find another child to call ours. We shall see what God has in store.

We left armed with a stack of 8 pages of papers that ask us personal questions. Questions like, how did your parents raise you? How do you parent? etc...goodness gracious...things that you automatically do, and simply do not put any thought to. So I am am planning to start plugging away on it today. One foot in front of the other. Am thinking I should challenge Wayne to see who finishes first...Any bets on who it will be? I am compairing this to the 90+ hours it took me to finish Hope Blooms tax exempt paperwork for the IRS!

We also need to get 5 of us fingerprinted and pay 70$ for each for a background check.

Take a 16 hour class in September...which also happens to be a fundraiser weekend for Hope Blooms....oh the joys of needing to be double booked. But I think the rest of our stuff should be done by that date, so we are just having to finish our house. And we should be ready to bring a new person into our home...Could be as little as 60 days...Weird is the word of the day...

So amongst this business, we have a huge fundraiser for Aug 7th. Then we are hoping to have a Hope blooms building after that...I guess we will pray for cooler weather so Wayne and I can get busy! HA~

Is Adoption for the Marklowitz's?

Last May, my parents, Wayne and I piled into our car and drove 14 hours to Louisville Kentucky for the Orphan Summit. As always, the Summit is full of information that doesn't disappoint. We even had some time to do a little sight seeing...can you go to Louisville and not visit the plant of the Louisville slugger?
In the course of many speakers, breakout sessions etc....there was a theme going...if you raise the banner of adoption, you need to provide support services. It is essential to the success of adoption and foster care. My heart wants to start this process with Hope Blooms. There are to many kids in the US, in the WORLD actually that need good Christian homes. And as was often said, some poor mans wife starts with the adoption bug...and God always hooks him...
Fast forward to June, just a few weeks ago...through a chain of events, times are tough in the Marklowitz household. I NEED to find a job. But I have a peace about waiting on God's timing. I have been looking, and have applied at a few places. But doors have not opened. Wayne was feeling very frustrated about this process. On his way to work on a saturday, after a not so pleasant Friday night, he had the thoughts that we just need to stop doing Hope Blooms, it isn't going anywhere. Funds are not coming in, and Shannon needs to work. NOt volunteer anymore. He was ready to throw in the towel. But GOD...ooh how HE works. Fast forward 12 hours later, little Janessa (not her real name) Janessa is a 14 year old girl who was at a hospital needing to be transferred down to a psych unit..yes I said psych...this is a little girl who talked with my husband. Looked at the pictures on his phone, liked seeing his kids, loved seeing where we live. And said, "I want to come live with you." She doesn't belong where she is...you see, at the Summit we have learned a method to help children from hard places. If you follow this model, that has been 100% effective, these kids will start healing. They will start learning how to be respectful. They will connect with you, and know that you won't let them starve anymore. You will give them a drink when they need it. You won't hurt them, hit them, touch them inapporprietly. They will know what a parent is, what a parent is suppose to do. What it feels like to live in a "normal" way. Their chemicals will balance out, and they will be able to learn....Yes, Janessa doesn't belong in a phsych unit. She belongs in a home that is equipped to take help her....God is working on equipping us, and if he can grab ahold of Wayne the way He did, I know He is working out all the details. Most of which I am waiting impatiently on...But as we wait, our house is getting finished, just little things that have been put off...Once we start the process it could go as fast as 1-2 months...Hard to believe that Wayne will be the Father of 6 children..me I will then have 7!