Marriage, Parenting, Trauma....do they relate?

This foster care journey has been somewhat easy for me to adjust to. I love kids. I love to see how they grow and change. I think my calling is to be a mom....well, and a grandma too. I love my space, and quiet time. But when I look at getting a job, I think about all that I would miss out on. If I am honest, I want more bedrooms so we can foster some more children.  

My husband on the other hand....he likes older children. He doesn't like things that get complicated. He has even hinted that it is hard to share my attention. 

So, two different scenarios= a not so peachy household at times. 

Fostering and adopting are not easy callings. Without God on our side I don't think we would make it. It has been a hard two years....But I look back at where the kids were and see that love, consistency, and nurture have gone a long way. We went from not sleeping much, bad temper tantrums, food challenges, to sleeping mostly every night all night long, temper tantrums much less and food...well waiting on those to get better! Yes, we did join the locked cabinet club! I swore I would never do it. But it became necessary. 

How do marriages survive when two people see things so much differently? Because I see the good changes, I often don't tell my husband some of the bad stuff. If it won't mater either way, I take care of the situation. When I tell him bad thing after bad thing it weighs on him. So I try to tell him the good things I see. The positives. And sprinkle in a few of the challenges. He is then able to let go of the bad and see the good in each child. 

I also need to make sure I give my husband lots of his love language, which is touch....I am opposite of this...I like surprises of "I did this for you". 

We also are trying to get out together...and I need to catch myself and not talk about the kids while we are out. 

So, if your marriages is struggling in some areas since this journey began for you....figure out what are some things that you can do to improve it. Satan would love nothing more than to help break up your marriage....Adoption is at the very heart of God. He commands us to care for orphans. It isn't an option. Something that has God written all over it, Satan uses it to put separation between you and your spouse....Don't let Satan win!

Parenting Trauma

Parenting is hard. Very Hard....Parenting children that have been through trauma is even harder. Just this morning, the foster child that usually is oblivious to many things going on around him was struggling.

I ran across a post of FaceBook that said this: "When children are regressing, increase nurture. Usually that fighting or distancing is caused by fear. Parents can hep the agitated child to slow down, accept comfort, talk about feelings, or improve his physical state. Gradually, children learn to seek out parents when they are hurting."  Deborah Gray Attaching in Adoption

This child is our most "difficult" child. He will throw fits, cry loudly, is developmentally delayed. He asks question after question, even when he knows the answer. He takes a lot of our time. With something bothering, it just isn't like him. He was in tears because my husband was bringing him down to the bus instead of me. He didn't want to go to school.  He does prefer to stay home. So this wasn't out of character. But he was more vocal about it today.

I am unsure if I will ever come across the big stuff that is bothering him. But I do know that I need to increase nurture to him. He does love touch. I think that is his love language. Which is low on my radar. So it is hard for me to actually do that.

When children are the most unlovable, they need the most love. 

I challenge you to find out your child's love language. Is it touch? Gifts? Quality time? Find out what it is and try to use it daily.  When they are doing good and when they are struggling. 

Book: The Five Love Languages

Where Does the Time Go?

It has been a long time since I last wrote. Time sure does go by and there are so many things in between. 

To update on Shadrack, we still think of him daily. There are songs that we hear daily that trigger memories of him. He loved music, namely Toby Mac, and hearing Toby Mac music really gets us yearning to just go grab Shadrack. Not sure why it needs to be so difficult. 

Currently, Shadrack is still waiting for his forever family. If we had another 20k at our disposal we could get him in a just a few short months. Unfortunately we just don't have access to this kind of money. 

One soft spot that we have is three other beautiful children in our midst. We started out fostering three kiddos over 2 years ago, and through a chain of events, these children couldn't go back home to mom, so on January 11th, we will adopt them. It will all be final. 

As I sit here, reflecting on a new year, there are hurts that won't go away...Shadrack, and there are joys that I can't help but smile about. 

So moving forward on my blog, I want to start offering encouragement to others in the journey of adoptions that don't go as planned, marriage through fostering/adopting, practice tips and tools to use. 

Please check back and learn and grow with me!

Bible Dominoes

I have spent nearly all my life and the only sort of dominoes that I would play were placing them on their ends and lining them in long lines and watching each one hit the next one...until they were all down. As I got older I would make more complex lines that would split into two lines...and then if you got half way done and knocked one the wrong way, your line would start a bit early. Well, recently some friends introduced us to the world of adult dominoes. Mexican train. We played until nearly midnight...I didn't fair so well in this game. But it was fun. I found a set for our family at a garage sale. We have enjoyed hours of fun with this game of Dominoes.

When I had the opportunity to get my hands on Bible Dominoes I was intrigued to see what this was about. I have a grand daughter who is nearly 3 so I thought we could have fun. She isn't exposed to a faith based home that often, so anything that would help her catch some of this, I was all in for. This game is for 2-4 players and for ages 3+. The cards are made from sturdy cardboard, so no stacking them and watching them all fall! There is a little book that tells some of the more popular Bible stories.

To play you match the colors which shows the number and on the other one it shows how many that number is. For instance 2= (two) people. So it is covering a few different concepts for your young  learners. My granddaughter was a little young to catch this concept yet, but we could talk about what each picture was, and practice colors.

All in all they are good quality and a great way to start conversations with your youngsters! Total thumbs up!

I am not paid for my review, and have given an honest review of Bible Dominoes!

Mercy's Rain

Mercy's Rain is a book that hooked me from the minute I started it. Usually I need to be in a mood to read a historical book. This one is set in the late 1800's in Tennessee. 

Mercy is the daughter of a Pastor. This Pastor simply gets away with TO MUCH! My heart goes out to this girl. Mercy endured alot in her short little life. She finally gets a chance to leave the only home she knows. Once she is able to leave, she is faced with many "ghosts in her closet". She relives the horrible things that happened to her, by a person she should trust, he father and a pastor. Mercy travels through the mountains and relives her past to finally put the past where is belongs....in the past.

I liked this book because we all have been through so much. In my life or family members close to me we have been through:

• enduring suicide
• depression
• sexual abuse
• sexual assault
• diseases
• cancer
• alcoholism
• teen pregnancies
• adoption waiting
• accusations of trafficking

When looking at this list I think back to overcoming most of these, and the process that it takes. It is hard. Life throws you so many things that can leave you feeling bitter. But God's Mercy rains and washes over you...freely. Yours for the taking. Right now!

I received this book from Kregel Productions to review. I am not paid for my review. 

A New Study Bible

How can you review the Bible and post a bad review? I love to read new versions of the Bible and actually have a Bible that has three translations side by side. I love to read each version to see if I can pull something else from the verses. I have never owned a study Bible, so I snatched the opportunity to see what this Bible is about. Obviously I have not read this cover to cover...but I have enjoyed digging into some of my favorite verses. This Bible is written in the NKJV. This isn't usually one of my go to versions, so it was fun to look through and see some of my favorites.
What I really like about this Bible is how it highlights what God's word says about evangelism. It takes verses and expands on them to help you see how you can simply carry out sharing your faith. Not everyone has the gift of evangelism, but reading these little insights help you to share your faith in everyday living.
There are also passages that are listed to cross reference, so you can study more in depth. This helps the Bible come alive and will help you have a better understanding of what you are reading.
God's word never gets old. Grab a new Bible and see what else He can teach you!

I was not paid for my review. I got a copy of this Bible for free and posted my review in all honesty!
Enjoy!

Motherless

Motherless by Erin Healy  I just finished this book. I have to say it was very hard to get in to this book. But I persevered through it.

I read this book over a period of about one month. The book is mainly written through the eyes of a dad who is dead. It was hard to follow and I thought that character development would have been deeper if the book followed the living characters better. It was hard to follow sometimes. 

That said....I enjoyed the struggles that each character was experiencing. Some from things that happened when they were little, some from life journey. Families are unique and we all experience things that we are less than proud of. And when you do pass on, someone may eventually find out your secrets.  I am a firm believer that secrets kill you...they do more harm than good. Yet, I find it difficult to share things that I am less than proud of. :)  All in all, I did like Motherless. I would have liked to get inside the characters a little more. I  would like them to have better development. I like to feel characters, and sympathize with them. This book was thought provoking in life in general. Lots of food for thought. 

I would love to hear what you have to say about it! Let me know!

I have gotten this book for free from Thomas Nelson Publishers to review in my own words. I have not been paid to provide my review. 

Life

Life is crazy...throws you so many curve balls.

It seems that every time things are going smoothly...wham! The valley hits deep and low.

I am unsure if I can handle anymore corrupt countries. Anymore corrupt people that are helping children in the name of caring deeply for children. Because the best for children is more about money in their pockets. Crazy...but true!

Tell me your adoption story......

What Mask Do You Have?

I received this book to review but quickly read that there was a first book. So I downloaded the first book, To Know You on my kindle.

I really loved the first book. I can relate with the tough stuff the characters were going through. Character development was very good!

Each book tackled difficult content. Without the stigma of what comes with these issues. Life is so full of twists and turns and many times people find themselves doing or saying things they never thought they would say or do.

Veil of Secrets simply didn't have as good of character development as the first book in this series. I had a hard time following along at first with the characters. I enjoyed the over content of this book. But as I said, it was lacking better character development.

I hope Shannon Ethridge teams up with Kathryn Mackel to finish off the story of the last sister...I truly think content is what is needed in our broken society. I would love to see them build a great book with great characters.

Overall, I recommend these books. Everyone struggles in one area or another that is covered in these books, and it is done in a gentle way that doesn't leaving you feeling more guilt and shame.

I received this book from Book Look Bloggers for free. To post my review in my honest opinion. I have not been paid to post this review!

Thought Provoking Insight!

Not really knowing what to expect of this book when I received it, I was pleasantly surprised.

Sundar Singh was known as one of the most famous converts to Christianity of his time. He obviously was a man of great wisdom. He passed in 1929. When he was just 16 he left his home and every comfort of home to live among the Sadhu people. This is where he learned what true Christianity is. Sadhu means holy man. Mr. Singh was known as a modern day Saint Francis, from India.

The book is similar to a devotional. There are short little chapters that are written as sort of modern day parables. They are very interesting to read. These bring a fresh perspective to parables of the Bible. The titles are creative, and are very thought provoking.

Mr Singh wandered as a holy man for 23 years, and traveled through at least 20 countries and four continents. He disappeared in the Himalayas in 1929. Many mourned his death. This gentleman touched many peoples lives.

This is a great devotional to start this upcoming new year. There are just over 20 short chapters that can be read weekly or are short enough for a daily encounter. I found these so thought provoking that I would think on them throughout the day. If you like to journal these would be perfect for getting you going.

I received this book from Plough Publishing house for free to review however I saw fit! I have not been paid to share my thoughts!

Never Giving Up

I recently had a chance to read over a book called "Never Ever Give Up" By Erik Rees with Jenna Glatzer.

When I received the book, I wasn't quite a sure what to expect. My first thought was...." It looks like a story my Teens would enjoy".

But, I was pleasantly surprised. The book actually starts at page 12, by page 20 I was bawling my eyes out...every parents nightmare was taking place in this book.

A families world was shaken by news no parent needs to hear. No parent should have to contemplate the anguish of burying their daughter. But through this families journey of cancer, they find a unique way to bring Joy to other children having to battle cancer.

This story is told through the eyes of Jessie's dad. Erik does an incredible job of painting this picture with utter honesty. I am not sure I could be as eloquent in this journey. Life is difficult enough at times, but to face the death of your daughter is something unimaginable. The Rees family shows us how they stuck together....along with church family support.

Grab yourself a copy and be inspired to spread Joy through your pain and sorrow.

I received a copy of this book to review from Handlebar Publishing. They have not paid me in anyway for my review. I have read this book, and gave you an honest review!

Suicide

Today is national Suicide prevention day....and are we any further in preventing suicide? Our local schools started a focus group....but I am saddened to say I have heard of nothing involving this day. Kids are hurting...why they are hurting I don't know....But it is evident that something needs to be done for this hurting world.

I have seen many discussions on how suicide is dealt with by family members. Some say, " Suicide is selfish". Then the other side says...how can you say it is selfish? Well, as I have had suicide in my husband's family, as a left behind family member, it is selfish. But it is also important to consider...I truly believe that someone cannot help it. They are so wrapped up in their grief that they can only think of themselves...I have suffered through depression. I didn't know what to call it. But felt off for several years. I finally began to understand what my sister in law lived through everyday...I could figure out ways to cope. But you literally have a dark cloud following you around, and quite frankly, the meds out there are not any good. Having lived through depression, it is selfish. I could only think of myself, and how much my life sucked. It isn't a fun place to be. I would nap as much as I could during the day, then hurry to clean to make it look like I had been busy all day, before my husband came home. I would go through lifes moments, with one foot in front of the other, but inside I was slowly dying....and crying inside all of the time.

One morning, I was at a Bible Study with a huge group of moms. We all sat at small group tables...We were doing Linda Dillows, Calm my Anxious heart book. The leaders turned to me and said, " Shannon, you sure are quiet". I remember being very uncomfortable, and wanting to run out of there. Later I journaled, "She doesn't know that inside I am crying, dying. I cannot figure out how to be happy. She doesn't know I have a story to tell. She doesn't know that my sister committed suicide, that my husband was just diagnosed with a debilitating disease. She doesn't know that I shop online just to feel good...She just doesn't know...

When I finally figured out what the heck was wrong with me, I had to tell my husband...my husband who often said...depression is just a cop out. Just snap out of it. What is wrong with people who say they are depressed...and I actually shared those opinions...but I suddenly found myself in the throws of depression and all that it entailed.

I am here to tell you, YOU CANNOT JUST SNAP OUT OF IT~! I did finally tell my husband. He was supportive, but didn't want me to go on any meds. Which, I wanted an easy fix...but I made an appointment to go see a doctor. I told her I had been suffering. She told me there was new evidence stating that exercise was recently shown to help with depression. So, we got our selves a gym membership. I started to meet with a friend 3 days a week....I am here to tell you...it took three months of going...but one morning I woke up and said...man I don't feel like crying today!

I have also started using Essential oils...Through the use, I have found other things I am dealing with in my past....which is for another day. But Essential oils are amazing in their help benefits! Orange oil, cedarwood are both great for anxiety and/depression.

Whatever path you choose...natural and exercise, or meds...depression isn't fun. It is something I battle with every once in a while....but I know what I need to do to fix it. I get stuck...because frankly, it is comfortable to be stuck focusing on myself...but that isn't where God would want us to be. So I pick myself up and get moving...cleaning...going somewhere...

The Confession: Robert Whitlow

I recently had the pleasure of reading my very first Robert Whitlow book. I had heard good things about Whitlow's books, but hadn't ever read one. 

The Confessions covers topics such as, Redemption, dealing with your past, choices we make, and doing the right thing. 

I think as a Christian I struggle with doing the right thing, and what I perceive to be the truth...and realizing that what I think isn't always everyone else's truth. This book deals with these issues we as a society in general struggle with. 

Whitlow knows how to build strong characters. I was drawn in and hooked from the beginning...With a little suspense mixed in with a little love...The ending could have gone a few different ways, so it was somewhat of a surprise..and I felt that alot was left up to you to decide how the story really ended...if there was a disappointment, that would have been it...the ending! 

As an avid reader, I am ready to dive into some of Whitlow's other books. Go, buy his newest book, The Confession! You won't be disappointed!

I received this book from Thomas Nelson for free to review. I was not compensated in any way for my review. Grab a good book from Thomas Nelson!

The Bridge Tender

I had to pleasure to review The Bridge Tender by MaryBeth Whalen. I simply loved this book. I have only read one other book of MaryBeth Whalens. Which I also loved! Emily Shaw is the main character who lost her beloved husband. He leaves her surprise that she had no idea about. 

This book is set in Sunset Beach, which will surely make you hope to visit their someday! I love the beach and have yet to visit North Carolina's beaches. 

The Bridge Tender is a tender story of losing and being open to finding love again. It also weaves in reconciliation on past relationships. You will be sure to fall in love with several of the characters in the Bridge Tender. Whalen has perfect character development, along with weaving several story lines together. This book will make you want to learn more from each character...like maybe a series?? I also lover her raw honesty about adult relationships. Christian or not, we all struggle in marriage in many ways. Marriages are human and we all fight, get mad etc. I like that honesty on what is involved in being married!

Whalen's writing is perfect for an easy beach read that is easy to pick up and put down. As often happens when you have little ones to tend to. It is the perfect length. When you find a good book, you simply want it to last! The Bridge Tender is a book I will reccomend and pass along my copy to my circle of avid readers. 

I was not paid for my review. I gave my honest review based on reading this book that I obtained for free from Book Look Blogger!

Finding Passion

I recently had the honor of peeking into Shannon Ethridge's newest book, The Passion Principle. On the cover she claims to offer 40 insightful answers to your most intimate questions. Ms. Ethridge takes the time to explore the Biblical principles of what God actually says about sex. Ethridge herself has tackled the latest craze of sexually explicit novels that have recently grabbed to many's interest.

Some of the question that are explored in a Biblically practical way are:
1. What was God thinking when He created sex?
2. How can I get past his or her sexual past?
3. What if my heart is telling me I married the wrong person....

I enjoy how Ms. Ethridge takes the time to look at what the Bible says to these and more questions. Ethridge also has years of counseling women through these and many challenges. She offers many real life questions and answers. However she is sure to keep it confidential!

I think if you have struggled in any aspect of sex in marriage, this is a must read book. If you have never struggled, what could you possibly get out of it? At the end of some chapters are questions that you and your spouse can take turns chatting over and growing closer as a couple!

I received this book from Thomas Nelson publishers. I have reviewed this book on my own free will.

I have had the pleasure to read this book by Heather Munn and Lydia Munn. I have loved reading this book. The history that I love reading about in fiction form has broaden my understanding of a time period of time that was horrendous. I love history...but only in fiction form. Fiction with a little bit of humaness added in. 

My only disappointment in this book....it was book two of a series! I don't like reading a book if I have not read the first one! However, I didn't know it was part of a series going into the book. That said, I had no idea going in that I was missing a book. 

This book is set in the early 1940's during Hitlers reign. I have an obvious love for children and so to read about child rescuing is something I enjoy. 

This book weaves the story of true to life feelings, friendships, families....it shows the true value that is taken from you oftentimes when you are helping someone else. The true cost of putting your life in danger during a time when the evil that surrounds you simply doesn't make sense. 

Defy the Night is a must read for those that enjoy a little history. 

A picture of one of the camps. Ruins of Riversaltes that was mentioned in the book. Horrible conditions....My heart simply aches all the more for what these families endured. My mind simply cannot imagine what parents had to go through. To think that after their children were rescued, they could have very well been put into camps again...which you will be able to read about in their upcoming book "Lord Willing"....they are hoping that God's will provides more to this story! Support these ladies today! Pick up both of the books in this series!

i have not been paid for my review. I was provided a copy to read and post this review with my own thoughts! I truly enjoyed this book!

Children's Bible~

99 Stories from the Bible

I recently had the pleasure of reviewing this neat little children's Bible. The Bible covers 99 stories from the Bible that are the most well known and a few that are not as well known. From Genesis and creation to Jesus coming again.

The stories in this little Bible are short and sweet for the littlest wee one. The pictures are bright and colorful and help catch the eye of the child that loves to see each picture.

I think a little children's Bible like this is a great way for your littlest ones to learn the timeless stories of the Bible. This book is sure to be a favorite among your children or grandchildren. Once these children start Sunday School they will already be familiar with the stories that are in this Bible.

I think this a great addition to your book collection. The Bible will come to life in your home.

Enjoy!

I was not paid to post my review of this book. I obtained a free copy from Kregel Publications to review to my discretion.

Hot Buttons

Hot Buttons by  Nicole O'Dell
I have downloaded some of the Hot Buttons books to my ipad, but had not looked at them. I am still a great lover of print books. I really hope our world doesn't go totally digital. Recently I was able to grab two Hot Buttons in print. I was eager to get them and see what they are about. The two I have are Image Addition and Bullying. Both of which each of my kids have dealt with on certain levels.

I didn't know much about how the books work. But what I thought was different from what they really are about. I thought I could use them as small discussion guides with my children that we still have at home. But they are really a parents guide.

Each book is filled with insightful information for parents to utilize the teen years. Let's face it, kids are cruel. And hurting people end up hurting people. So any tool parents can get to navigate the teen/high school years, the better off our children will be.

I liked that the books were broken up into small chapters. They are perfect for grabbing a few minutes to read a quick chapter...but yet full of great information. Topics include Self Esteem, eating disorders, tattoos to teasing, cyber bullying and suicide.

There are several Hot Buttons books out there. Grab them up!!!

I received these two books to review for free. I was not paid to submit a review. I did it on my own free will~

NIV Pink Bible

I recently scored a "PINK BIBLE" to review! I was super excited. My dear daughter loves pink. My mother is a breast cancer survivor, so it was the perfect Bible to figure out who I would share it with once I was finished reading it over.
I love the size of the Bible, it is soft cover which is nice for paging quickly threw. It is even adorned with a pink ribbon for those that do care.
I tend to in general not support any of the ribbon causes...after much research, I don't believe that enough of the funds raised with these pink ribbons goes to actually find a cure for cancer. Which is a whole other topic for another post!
But, the pink Bible is what caught my attention. !

The Bible is simply. Red letters for when Jesus is speaking. There is a yearly reading log in the back, an index, and an over view of the each book of the Bible. What I was really hoping for was some encourage mingled in the books for those battling cancer. I think this is an important step in recovering is encouragement that God's word brings. This would be my only complaint...if I had to say one! 

I received this book from Booksneeze.com to review for free. I have not been paid to review this book, and I posted my true feelings! Hope you enjoy this Bible!

One Year Ago....

One year ago....on November 15th I brought Lauren and some friends down to the football game. My mom and I hung out and had dinner. Picked up the kids and were driving home. During the drive home I received a phone call from a number I didn't recognize, so I didn't answer it until I got home....A phone call I never imagined. The only other worse phone call it could have been was if it involved one of my children or husband....The phone call was about my dear friend Michelle....her husband Jason was on his way down to the hospital. they had flown Michelle down to I don't even know what hospital. What exactly happened was sketchy...but it didn't look good....
After talking with Karen, we decided we wouldn't drive down to the hospital. But to this day...I am unsure if that was a good idea or not.
Michelle leaves behind four precious children. Michelle leaves behind a husband. Many family members. Many pets. And a legacy of laughter over the most mundane events in your life....Give her a story and she runs with it and makes it an event of laughter.
Michelle...I still miss you. There is ONLY ONE MICHELLE~

This was taken the last day that I saw her....