Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Suicide

Today is national Suicide prevention day....and are we any further in preventing suicide? Our local schools started a focus group....but I am saddened to say I have heard of nothing involving this day. Kids are hurting...why they are hurting I don't know....But it is evident that something needs to be done for this hurting world.

I have seen many discussions on how suicide is dealt with by family members. Some say, " Suicide is selfish". Then the other side says...how can you say it is selfish? Well, as I have had suicide in my husband's family, as a left behind family member, it is selfish. But it is also important to consider...I truly believe that someone cannot help it. They are so wrapped up in their grief that they can only think of themselves...I have suffered through depression. I didn't know what to call it. But felt off for several years. I finally began to understand what my sister in law lived through everyday...I could figure out ways to cope. But you literally have a dark cloud following you around, and quite frankly, the meds out there are not any good. Having lived through depression, it is selfish. I could only think of myself, and how much my life sucked. It isn't a fun place to be. I would nap as much as I could during the day, then hurry to clean to make it look like I had been busy all day, before my husband came home. I would go through lifes moments, with one foot in front of the other, but inside I was slowly dying....and crying inside all of the time.

One morning, I was at a Bible Study with a huge group of moms. We all sat at small group tables...We were doing Linda Dillows, Calm my Anxious heart book. The leaders turned to me and said, " Shannon, you sure are quiet". I remember being very uncomfortable, and wanting to run out of there. Later I journaled, "She doesn't know that inside I am crying, dying. I cannot figure out how to be happy. She doesn't know I have a story to tell. She doesn't know that my sister committed suicide, that my husband was just diagnosed with a debilitating disease. She doesn't know that I shop online just to feel good...She just doesn't know...

When I finally figured out what the heck was wrong with me, I had to tell my husband...my husband who often said...depression is just a cop out. Just snap out of it. What is wrong with people who say they are depressed...and I actually shared those opinions...but I suddenly found myself in the throws of depression and all that it entailed.

I am here to tell you, YOU CANNOT JUST SNAP OUT OF IT~! I did finally tell my husband. He was supportive, but didn't want me to go on any meds. Which, I wanted an easy fix...but I made an appointment to go see a doctor. I told her I had been suffering. She told me there was new evidence stating that exercise was recently shown to help with depression. So, we got our selves a gym membership. I started to meet with a friend 3 days a week....I am here to tell you...it took three months of going...but one morning I woke up and said...man I don't feel like crying today!

I have also started using Essential oils...Through the use, I have found other things I am dealing with in my past....which is for another day. But Essential oils are amazing in their help benefits! Orange oil, cedarwood are both great for anxiety and/depression.

Whatever path you choose...natural and exercise, or meds...depression isn't fun. It is something I battle with every once in a while....but I know what I need to do to fix it. I get stuck...because frankly, it is comfortable to be stuck focusing on myself...but that isn't where God would want us to be. So I pick myself up and get moving...cleaning...going somewhere...

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About Me

Minnesota, United States
I am a wife, mother to five children, 2 cats, 3 dogs. Hoping to be a mother to more children someday through adopting waiting children in Minnesota.
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